i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
