I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
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And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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