I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
