That's intense
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
