I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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