I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
