whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just blew my weed a kiss
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
