I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
