Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You made out with two different species that night
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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