Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
