Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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