We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
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I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
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Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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