Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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