you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
