I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
