the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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