Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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