you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
