You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
