I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
