Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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