My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
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Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
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I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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