White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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