so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
