Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
