what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
