You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
