We're like a lot better than the average bears
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
