ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
being pregnant is like rehab
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dicks are not precious.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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