that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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