We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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