I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
