Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
