my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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