oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i think im in europe. pls send help
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
