Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
