my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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