I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
