Got a toothbrush?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
