We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
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I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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