the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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