I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
