It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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