Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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