Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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