Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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