was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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