my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
