I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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