I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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