I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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