shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize