Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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