2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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