Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
