the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
