There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think I sprained my soul last night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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