Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
