I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
