Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
