so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
