Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
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He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
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I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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