I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
