he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
