we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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