so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
