Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
