my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
