i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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