I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
