I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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