He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
